Mother Maddy
by AlessNox
Summary: Maddy returns London just before New Years to visit old friends, but how can she renew old ties, watch over John, and avoid seeing Mycroft Holmes while taking care of a baby? A mother's work is never done. EDITING WORK IN PROGRESS Warning: hospitalization.
1. Chapter 1 - The sad side of Normal

1. The sad side of normal

There was a loud squeak as the bus pulled in. It stopped with a huff and hummed before the glass windows of the coach station. A woman sitting near the front looked toward the aisle. The people around her were gathering their things and rising to their feet. She held a baby in her arms.

The others lined up beside her, but she made no effort to move.

_"Oh hell! We're in London," Maddy thought. "What in the world made me think that this was a good idea?_

_"It was that Sherlock Holmes. 'Go see John', he says. 'John loves babies', he says. I don't even have the excuse of gin in the eggnog to explain my insanity. _

_"How long did it take me to escape from this place only for me to come back willingly with my baby no less? Maybe in Manchester I can keep her away from Mycroft, but here?_

_"What am I saying? I'll never be able to keep her from him. No matter how far I go once he knows for sure._

_"But then again, if Sherlock's right, and he usually is, Mycroft already knows and isn't choosing to do anything about it, so... stay calm, Maddy, stay calm. No use delaying. Time to go."_

Maddy stood stuffing the blanket into the diaper bag and zipping it before lifting it and her purse over her shoulder. Eliza stood on the seat, her hands holding on to the back of the bench. Maddy smiled and lifted her up onto her hip before getting into line to exit the bus.

She walked down the steps one at a time looking around for cameras. As her foot touched the pavement she let out a sigh._ 'I'm here', _she thought. The people behind her flowed forward, and she stepped out of the way checking to make sure that Eliza's hood covered her face. She tapped Eliza's button nose playfully and smiled before standing with the other passengers at the side of the bus to await the unloading of the luggage.

The wind blew chill making her ponytail flap against her cheek so that Maddy regretted not bringing her knit cap. "T_oo late to get it now._"

The driver roughly threw her suitcase and the playpen down onto the hard concrete. She rushed forward to get it afraid that he had broken it. She thought of complaining, but she said nothing.

She dragged the playpen and the suitcase toward the door passing beside a nice woman who held open the door for her, which was good as she had no hands free, and she didn't want to have to put Eliza down.

"Thank You," she said as she entered, dragging her luggage to the nearest row of white plastic coated benches and sitting down. The lobby was warm. She was in the row nearest the windows so she could clearly see the man outside continuing to carelessly toss other people's belongings onto the sidewalk.

Maddy sat Eliza down on the cold linoleum floor. It hadn't been swept for a while, and was covered with a layer of dirt, the dried mud left from the passage of hundreds of feet. Eliza crawled across the floor toward the window placing her small hands against the glass as she looked out.

_"I'm going to have to wipe her hands," _Maddy though as she pulled out her phone and dialed.

"Hello? John Watson here," the voice on the other side said.

"John, it's Maddy."

"Maddy! Hello, where are you?"

"At the coach station."

"Wonderful. Do you want me to pick you up?"

"You have a car?"

"No ...I meant, I could take a taxi. Pick you up and bring you back here."

"And pay twice the fee? Don't be ridiculous. I can hail a cab myself."

"Are you sure Maddy?"

"Of course I am, just give me the phone number, and I'll call for one."

"Right, give me a second to look one up ..."

Maddy rifled through her purse pulling out her notepad and pen to write down the number.

"Great, see you soon, John."

She dialed and the dispatcher told her that a cab was on its way. Eliza was sitting on the floor looking out of the large plate glass window at the coach which still sat outside. Even through the glass they could hear the rumble of its engine as the last of the bags were removed and the hatches were put back into place.

Eliza was growing fast. Her short brown hair had a hint of red in it, and her eyes were still shockingly blue. Maddy had heard that all babies eyes were blue when they were born, but how long did they stay that way? How long would it be before someone remarked on how incongruous the color was for the daughter of Abud Mohammed? It wasn't unheard of. Sometimes genes just worked that way, and since none of his family was alive, no one that she knew of, then perhaps people would take her word for it that he had fathered this fair-skinned blue-eyed child and not ask too many questions. She certainly didn't want a custody battle. She felt that even though she was her mother, she might not be able to keep her if her real father insisted. But for now, Eliza was only Maddy's daughter, and they'd need her consent to do paternity testing. Maybe it wouldn't be a problem? After all, there was no guarantee that Maddy's eyes would stay this shockingly bright and piercing. They could turn brown. It was possible.

Eliza bounced on the floor and Maddy wondered if she needed to change her diaper again. She had just changed it before they entered the station, so she thought not. She had meant to take the bag of dirty diapers and place it in the waste bin as soon as she entered the station, but she didn't want to step away from Eliza for a moment. She was an incredibly fast crawler.

Maddy looked around the bus station. There was a time, not that long ago, when she had spent a lot of time in bus stations. They were warm, and the bathrooms were free. Most of the time if you were relatively clean and didn't act too conspicuously like a vagrant, the security guard would look the other way and let you hang out for a while out of the cold.

Maddy looked around and spotted a homeless person across the room from her. The man was sitting quietly on the corner bench unconsciously fingering the holes in his gloves. She spotted another one standing near the woman's restroom. "_That woman beside the bathroom door. She's looking in the bin to see if anyone is throwing away food. She's going to be tossed out. She's too obviously poor, too obviously needy. She looks like she's about to ask someone for food. I have a banana in my bag... but it's for Eliza. I feel for the woman, but I'm a mother now and I have to think of my own first. In the whole world, Eliza only has me to take care of her. _

"I'm sorry" she whispered into the air.

The cab pulled up outside, and Maddy rose from her chair scooping up Eliza as she pushed through the door to wave at the driver so that he knew to wait for her. She balanced Eliza on her hip again and dragged her luggage out of the door and down to the curb. The driver picked it up and put it in the boot.

Eliza was fussy on the ride, so Maddy opened her coat and discretely fed her. She hoped that John wasn't weird about breast feeding. He probably wasn't as he was a doctor, but she should ask just in case.

They arrived at 221B Baker street and the driver unloaded her things onto the curb. She reached into her purse but didn't have correct change. He took her bill rushing back into the cab with a muffled thanks. She was too hesitant to ask for her change.

Mrs Hudson answered when Maddy rang the bell.

"Hello Maddy! And who is this then?" she exclaimed smiling as she never had before when Maddy used to come to visit John. "What a coot wittle baby," she said reaching out her arms. At first Maddy clasped Eliza closer before relaxing and letting Mrs Hudson hold her. She was in good spirits after her feeding.

A sound caused Maddy to look up to see Dr. John Watson on the stairs. It had been about a year since she had last seen him. He was thinner and the hint of grey that she had seen in his hair before had transformed into a solid grey mass covering each temple. He walked down the steps smiling and gave her a hug before going out and down the stairs to get her luggage.

"Hello Maddy, how was your trip?" he said when he returned lugging the playpen and suitcase.

"Good, good. It was a bit long, but we enjoyed ourselves, didn't we Eliza?"

"Eliza?" Mrs Hudson said, "What a beautiful name. Is it short for Elizabeth?"

"Uh...no, it's just Eliza. It was my mother's name. Her name is Eliza Mohammed St. Martin."

"Mohammed?" Mrs Hudson said, "That's a strange name for a girl."

"It's her father's name."

"Her father? So you mean that her father is not..." Mrs Hudson glanced at Maddy and tilted her head to look back at the baby. "Well, well... anyway, she is such a beautiful girl. Do you mind if I take her to see Mrs. Turner? When I told her that a baby was coming, she had me promise to take her right over as soon as she came. Do you mind?"

"Oh no," Maddy said, "Please do, it's fine."

"Thanks dear," Mrs Hudson said, "This is such a novelty for us. John, of course, has no children and Mrs Turner's married ones can't ...well I suppose they could adopt, but you know what I mean."

"Of course, Mrs Hudson."

"Wave to Mama and we'll be back in just a bit."

Maddy reached out to Eliza pulling her coat closed before Mrs Hudson turned away. She stared at Mrs Hudson's back biting her lip as the door closed between her and Eliza's smiling face.

"Don't worry," John said putting a hand on her shoulder, "Mrs Hudson will take care of her."

John smiled climbing up the stairs and setting her things in the living room beside the door. He walked across the room and squatted down next to the mantle to poke at the fire with an iron.

The fireplace was burning bright. Maddy walked over to warm her hands. She looked over at John. The shifting flames cast shadows on his face. A face already full of shadows. There were frown lines on his cheek. He turned toward her and gave a brief smile that left his lips before he had fully turned his face away.

When Maddy had last been here, the room had been full of Sherlock's things: Stacks of books on the floor, and papers covering the desk. Now, the surfaces were clear. A seascape hung on the wall over the place where the image of a skull had been. The lack of clutter made the room look larger, neater but more stark. Only the mantle was the same as it had been. Nothing had been changed, from the skull and the framed bat, to the knife stabbed through a stack of letters. It was a sort of shrine, the only memory of Sherlock left visible in the room other than his chair which still sat across from John's chair as always.

"Where should I put my things? Am I sleeping on the couch?" Maddy asked.

John looked up from the fire as if he had forgotten that she was in the room, "Oh no Maddy," John said, "I've made up a room for you. Let me take your things up," he said picking up the suitcase and playpen and lugging them up another flight of stairs into his old room.

The bed was freshly made. Probably by Mrs Hudson because she had added an extra coverlet with flowers that she didn't think belonged to John. Maddy dropped her diaper bag and purse on top of it. John placed the playpen down on the floor, and Maddy rushed over to take it, pulling it out of its bag as she assembled it.

"Is there a thermostat, the room is a little chilly?"

"Sure, it's right over here."

John walked over to the thermostat and adjusted the dial raising the temperature in the room while Maddy popped out the legs on the playpen. "Do you need any help with that?" John asked.

"No thank you, I do this all the time," Maddy said, "When Eliza comes back, I'm going to change her and put her to bed."

"I see," he said but she could tell from his look that he was about as familiar with this as he was with subatomic physics. He had learned the theory, but had had little practical experience.

John stood with his hands clasped in front of him, an unconscious echo of Sherlock who had stood at the door of her flat on Christmas day in almost the same pose. He had told her to visit John, his pale eyes imploring her to do...something. To comfort him perhaps? To make sure that he was alright? She wasn't sure.

"Do you like babies, John?" Maddy asked.

John was looking aside toward the window, he turned back to her. "What?" he asked.

"Do you like babies?"

"Yes, yes I do. Love em in fact. I have cousins. Don't live anywhere nearby, and I've never had any of my own of course."

"Thank you again for letting me stay here," Maddy said, "I wanted to come back. To see you first, of course, but also because I felt...that it was time to face my past. Do you know what I mean?"

John was silent.

Maddy sat down on the bed. For a moment she just stared at John who was looking out of the window. He looked sad. He had more wrinkles on his forehead than she remembered, and creases on his face that showed that he frowned now much more than he laughed. He turned his head toward the vacant edges of the room as if he heard voices that were no longer there. Looking aside at images that had once been but were now gone.

It was several minutes before he noticed that he had been ignoring Maddy. He turned to her, startled for a second and then he asked, "Should we go down now? Mrs Hudson will be back soon." Maddy nodded.

"I didn't mean to take your room from you," Maddy said apologetically as they walked down the stairs.

"Oh don't worry about that," John said, "I sleep downstairs now."

They walked into the living room. John stood for a moment considering, and then he motioned for her to take his chair. He stared at Sherlock's chair for a long moment before settling down into it. He steppled his hands, holding them under his chin and smiled to himself. His eyes were downcast. He licked his lips.

John had changed in a year. Before he had been a bit bipolar: Happy at times and incredibly sad at other times. This John Watson was calmer. He had settled into some kind of steady place just on the sad side of normal.

It broke her heart to know that she knew the words that would bring a smile to his face and she couldn't say them. She wanted to say, _"Sherlock Holmes is alive and well. He stayed over at my house this Christmas."_

What would John do if she said those words? He would be shocked, of course. At first he wouldn't believe her. Then he would start to get excited, but he would try to keep calm, afraid that it was a lie and he would be disappointed. What if Sherlock had let her keep the picture of him? She could show it to John, Sherlock holding Eliza, and he would grin that radiant smile of his insisting that she tell him everything. Oh how she wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him so badly that she thought that she might cry.

John turned toward her, "Oh, I'm sorry, I was woolgathering. Would you like some tea? I'll go put on the kettle." He pushed up out of the chair and trudged off to the kitchen while Maddy looked into the fire.

_"Sherlock Holmes is a bastard. Sherlock Holmes is a jerk to lie to this man, to abandon him this way. He left him alone to pine away in this empty flat. Then again, when he saw John's signature on that Christmas card, his whole face changed. As if it was an incantation that led to a magical world. As if it was the door to Narnia. He looked at it with longing. He looked so...lonely. _

_How long will it take him to finish what he is doing? What is he doing anyway? Chasing down assassins? I don't really want to know. Holmes men and their cold logic. They can be so heartless! Death comes on it's own. You don't need to invite it in."_

John walked in with a cup and gave it to Maddy before sitting down in the chair with his own cup. He looked at her and managed a smile.

"So, a baby, that's brilliant! And how is the school coming?"

"It's fabulous. I love every minute of it."

"Wonderful, and the money that you have, is it enough?"

Maddy frowned and blew on her tea. "Well, when I first got it, it seemed as if it would last forever, but I underestimated the cost of housing, and doctor visits, and knives. It's beginning to run a little low, but I have talked with the dean, and she said that I can do some workstudy next year. Make a little money on the side to cover expenses."

"Good, that's good."

"How about you? How are you doing?"

"Oh...fine. I'm fine," he said and took a sip of tea.

Just then they heard the sound of the door opening and shutting and Mrs Hudson trudged up the stairs with Eliza who was starting to fuss. Mrs Hudson hushed her, "there, there girl, you'll be with Mummy in no time," she said.

Maddy put down her tea and rushed forward to take Eliza into her arms. She kissed her forehead. Mrs Hudson excused herself turning back down the stairs. After a few tight hugs, Eliza started to push at mommy to get down. Maddy set her on the floor, and she immediately began to crawl around the flat.

"John, have you ever met Sherlock's mother?" Maddy asked.

John looked up. "No. I saw her at the funeral, but ... honestly I was in no mood to talk to anyone that day. "

"I understand. But, do you have her address?"

"I think so, why?"

"She sent the baby a gift, and I wanted to send her a thank you note."

John stood up and went to the desk. He pulled out an old address book and rifled through the pages. "Yes, I found it."

Maddy rushed over, "But I don't have a card?"

"I think I saw a box in the back of the drawer," John said pulling out pens, pencils, and oddments and placing them on the surface of the desk. After a few minutes of searching he pulled out a box. He lifted the lid to reveal a set of note cards. John drew in a sharp breath. Then he bit his lip and pulled out a card and an envelope. "Do you want me to address an envelope for you?" he asked passing her the card.

"Could you please?" Maddy said picking a pen up from the desk.

Maddy examined the card. It was a white card, completely blank on the inside, but the cover held the initials SH embossed and printed in black ink. She hoped that John's mother didn't get a heart attack when she saw it.

Maddy wrote:

_Dear Mrs. Holmes,_

_Thank You so much for the gift._

_It was so nice of you to think of Eliza._

_She loves the rattle, and the shoes fit perfectly._

_Yours _

_Maddy St. Martin_

_Eliza Mohammed St. Martin_

Eliza made a muffled giggle, and Maddy looked down to see that she had her head stuck under John's chair. She handed the card back to John who placed it in the envelope and sealed it. Maddy bent down and grabbed Eliza's tiny waist pulling her out from under the chair. Then she screamed, "What is that!" as she noticed that Eliza held a syringe, the sharp metal needle waving in her hand.

John rushed over taking the syringe from the baby "Where did she find that? I thought that I had found all of Sherlock's hiding places. Sorry Maddy, this place isn't exactly childproofed."

Maddy held Eliza closer to her chest. "No, no." she said shaking her head, "Don't play with sharp things." Eliza simply laughed.

John returned looking a bit apologetic. He picked up the letter. "I'll get this out with the morning post," he said starting down the stairs.

"If you don't mind, I think that I'll take Eliza to bed," Maddy said causing him to turn back to watch her clutching the baby against her breast.

He nodded "Good night Maddy," he said.

"Good Night," she replied moving quickly up the stairs.

That night Eliza would sleep in the bed where mommy could keep an eye on her, not the playpen. Eliza was the most precious thing in the world, and she only had Maddy to keep her safe.

They entered John's old room and Maddy carefully closed and locked the door blocking the scary world out and sealing inside her secrets.


	2. Chapter 2 - Remembrance

2. Remembrance

Eliza woke Maddy early. After she had fed her and changed her she decided that it was as good a time to get up as any, so she gathered her clothes so that she could change in the bathroom after taking her shower.

Eliza was stretched out over the bed. Maddy never could understand how so small a baby could take up so much space. Her eyelids were closed, and the fingers of her little hand curled upward as she slept. Maddy loved her. Maddy had never thought that she could love anyone like she loved her daughter. She remembered the afternoon when her mother in her sickbed removed her necklace and fastened it around Maddy's neck. "This is for you," she said, "so that you always have something to remind you how much I love you."

She had smiled and hugged her mother with the casual carelessness of youth. Even so, she had not understood, she could not have understood how her mother had felt about her. Not until she had a daughter of her own. She didn't know then how her mother had wanted to protect her. How she had wanted her to succeed. What a shame that her mother hadn't lived to see her granddaughter. It made Maddy sad to think of it. _"I hope their is a heaven," _Maddy thought, _"so that mom can see you. Could she see you in my eyes I wonder? I see your future in yours. You will become a great woman. A genius, I have no doubt. And a beauty. You have to be, because you are so beautiful now." _

Maddy wiped her eyes and then went downstairs to shower. She left the bathroom dressed but barefoot. The cold floor reminded her of the warmth of the fire, so she walked over to the fireplace to see if their was any warmth left in the coals. She was surprised to find that Sherlock's chair was occupied. "John?" she said, "are you awake."

"Yes," John said softly.

"How long have you been up?"

"A while," he said after a pause. In the dim light she couldn't tell if his eyes were open or closed. Had he been there all night? Maddy thought about asking him. _"Do you sleep? Do you still have bad dreams about Sherlock? How are you feeling?" _But it was early and she didn't feel up to such a discussion.

John sat in the chair unmoving. It scared her how much he had changed. At least before, she knew what he was thinking. Now, he brooded. All of the conflict was inside. She couldn't tell what he would do. She thought of turning on the light so that she could see his face, but decided against it. Then she looked at the coals wondering if it was worth it to restart the fire. She decided to try to interest him in food instead.

"I'm hungry. Let's have some breakfast," Maddy said.

Maddy turned on the kitchen light and looked into the refrigerator. She found it empty except for an old take-out container full of dried-out rice, some Mayonnaise, a stick of butter, and a few beers.

"Maybe I can borrow something from Mrs. Hudson. Do you think that she is up yet?"

"I don't think so," John said, "It will be another half hour at least. Here, we can have some buttered bread. John pulled a loaf of bread out of the cabinet and a plate. He took the butter and a knife and spread it on the bread then, offering her a slice. Maddy looked over her shoulder at the appliances on the counter.

"You know, " she began, "there is this amazing invention called the toaster. It can make that bread into yummy toast. Have you tried that before?"

John chuckled, "Ah sarcasm. I was beginning to miss that."

Maddy put the bread in the toaster and pushed it down. "You used to make toast. What happened, is the toaster broken?"

"No, I just ... started eating other things."

"Do you have any jam?" Maddy asked rifling through the cabinet. She found a jar and opened the lid before pulling her head back in disgust. "There's mold in this! How long has it been here? Sugar is a preservative you know. It usually keeps things from molding. You must have had this open for a long time."

"I'm sorry," John said, "I haven't really been shopping lately. I eat out most nights. I'll have to go out and get something later."

"Let me," Maddy said, "as soon as the shops are open I'll get some eggs and make us an omelet. How about that?"

John continued to eat his buttered bread. The toaster popped up and Maddy took it out spreading it with butter. John started the water for tea. "I'm sorry I don't have milk for the tea."

"No worries," Maddy said, "I don't take any." She bit into her toast glancing up at John. John was coping, but John wasn't happy. What did Sherlock want her to do about it? Why was she even still following that idiot after all that she had been through? She only had to look across the table to see the answer.

She didn't want John to be unhappy any more than Sherlock did, but she wasn't the one with the power to change that. Sherlock needed to finish his private war or whatever he was doing and come home, or he needed to lift Maddy from her oath and let her tell John the truth. It made her sad to watch him sit there hiding his pain.

She rose from the table. "I'm going to check on Eliza," she said as she fled. Eliza was still sleeping. She curled up next to her, and dozed off herself.

It was after ten when she woke again. Eliza had slipped off the bed and was crying. She slid onto the floor next to her lifting the baby to her chest. "Shhhhh!" she said. Eliza pressed against her asking for milk, and she fed and changed her. Then she carried her downstairs.

John was gone, so she walked down to Mrs. Hudson's flat. "Oh John went off to work," she said, "He promised to bring home milk tonight, but if you want any, I have some here that you can borrow."

"No thank you, Mrs. Hudson, I don't take it anyway."

"Well feel free to ask if you need anything. John, poor man, doesn't take care of himself like he used to. Maybe now that he has someone else to think of again, he'll remember to eat and get out from time to time."

"I've been meaning to ask you Mrs. Hudson, how has John been doing?"

Mrs Hudson pursed her lips and then rose to put on the kettle. "I'm sorry to say it, but he hasn't been himself since Sherlock died. For a long time he was just wallowing in grief. He wouldn't let anyone touch Sherlock's things. He wouldn't even let anyone help him. He still went to his therapist, thank goodness. I think she was the one to convince him to box up all of Sherlock's things. They're in the basement now. Don't know what I'll do with them.

"He's acting more normal now, but ...well...he doesn't want me to see it but I do. He's still terribly broken up about Sherlock. He just won't talk about it anymore. He won't let anyone share it with him, dear boy." Mrs Hudson shook her head, then she sat down again offering Maddy a plate of cookies, "But that's old news. Tell me about you and Eliza. What are you planning to do now that you are back in London? I expect that you are planning to show Eliza to her father."

Maddy jumped, "Her father?"

"You are planning on visiting his grave aren't you?"

"Oh, uh, yes...that's a good idea."

"Well you're lucky. The sun has come out. It's going to be a good day for it, but it's a bit of a ways so you should set out soon. I'll pack some sandwiches for you, shall I?"

"Yes, thank you Mrs. Hudson. I'll go up right now and get ready."

That was how she found herself walking down a thin stone path through a green lawn. "_It must be work to keep it so green this time of year." _

She had never seen the tombstone. She attended the funeral, made arrangements, and paid her money but she had not returned to see that it had been done.

She stood before the grey stone which read...

**Abud Mohammed**

**Aadil Mohammed**

**Truly, my prayer and my sacrifice, my life and my death, are all for Allah, the Cherisher of Worlds**

She knelt down and sat on her heels. Abud had been a good man, a kind man. He loved her when she had nothing. When she was no one. Maddy had hoped that he wouldn't resent how she had so quickly fallen for someone else after he had died. She didn't think he would.

You couldn't afford to judge others when you lived on the street. You did what you had to to survive. Maddy knew that he would be happy to know that she had survived and that she was happy.

She sat Eliza on her lap and folded her hands together into a prayer. Maddy wasn't religious, but Abud had been, so she knew that he would appreciate the gesture.

"Abud," she said, "I hope that you have found peace wherever you are, and that you have been reunited with your brother as you hoped. I have a daughter now. I named her after you, Eliza Mohammed St. Martin. I know, it's a funny name isn't it.

"I'm going to school to learn to be a chef. One day, maybe I'll make a special Banoffee pie recipe and name it after you. Would you like that? I just wanted to say, thank you for loving me. You were the first one to love me since I came to England, since my mother died. I suppose, it wasn't until you loved me that I learned to love myself. Loving myself made it so that I could love others, and ultimately it led to me having Eliza, so thank you. Thank you. And may you find your paradise."

Maddy nodded her head, and then rose to her feet. She stood Eliza on the ground holding her by her hands for a minute or so before lifting her to her hip. She breathed in the clean chill air. The day was indeed glorious. Hardly a cloud in the sky. She looked around and saw on one of the funeral roads a black car. The window was rolling up as she watched blocking her from seeing who was inside, but she knew who it was anyway. The car pulled away slowly.

_"Why did he come? He didn't want to talk to me. He just wanted to see us. Does he know yet? It's just a matter of time, and then he'll want to take Eliza for himself. I can't let that happen. I can't imagine a life without her. Eliza is my life."_


	3. Chapter 3 - Irresponsible

3. Irresponsible

On the way back to 221B Maddy took a stop at the homeless shelter. The last time that she had seen it, it had been a burning rubble. She hadn't gone anywhere near the place since. In her mind it was a place of displaced beams and burnt little girls.

The reality was much more mundane. It wasn't the beautiful edifice that it had been when it was newly constructed, but it was not all gone. The south building was just as it had been, blond wood and brick, only with a bit more wear than she remembered. The North side, where the fire had been, was a completely new structure. Plain and utilitarian with a small sign tacked beside the door.

Maddy walked past the people loitering out in front and into the shelter. There was a pleasant lobby with couches and chairs. It was mostly empty as people were outside on a fine day like today, but one woman was in the corner looking out of the window and muttering to herself as she rocked back and forth in the chair. A young man in a blue jean jacket was fast asleep on the couch. There was a desk, but it was unattended.

Maddy had never been in this new shelter. It had been much smaller when Catherine had been in charge. She had been instrumental in getting this place built. Well, to be fair, Mycroft Holmes had donated the seed money. But Catherine had got it built. Even Maddy had helped, in her way. She was the rags to riches example that Catherine had used when she talked to potential backers of the shelter. Her proof that the poorest people were worth saving. She wondered if Catherine would be upset with what she had made of her life. Would she be sad that she did not follow through and become Mrs. Mycroft Holmes? Catherine was dead now. Dead because someone tried to assassinate Maddy by blowing up the shelter. _Perhaps it is her grave that I should have been visiting today._

"May I help you?" asked a young woman with short hair that had been dyed deep red. Maddy thought that she recognized her, but she couldn't remember her name.

"I know you, don't I?" Maddy asked.

The woman looked closer at Maddy then her mouth fell open. "Maddy!" she said, "It's me Abigail."

"Abby?" Maddy said surprised."You still work here?"

"Work here?" she said, "I'm in charge now. It's so great to see you. How are you? You have kids now?"

"Just the one."

"Come into my office, we should talk."

Abby led her behind the desk and into an office. It was plain with a brown desk and green chairs. She had a picture of sunflowers on the wall. She looked at the desk, but instead she sat in one of the green chairs turning to face Maddy. "So what have you been doing since you left. We all thought that you were going to marry that rich bloke."

"Well, I didn't."

"But you had his baby?"

"Abud's baby."

"Really, I could see how that would put a damper on your relationship. What's her name?"

"Eliza Mohammed St. Martin. Eliza was my mother's name."

"She's very cute. She doesn't look like Abud at all. Are you sure that he's the father."

"I'm her mother," Maddy said, "that's all that counts."

"Okay, I don't mean to pry. So how have you been?"

"Fine, good really. I live in Manchester now. I'm training to become a chef."

"Really?" she said, "Now maybe you can finally get a job at Slippery Joes."

Maddy laughed. "One day, I might even own one."

"If you do, promise that you'll give us free sausages for the kitchen."

"Sure," Maddy said smiling. "How about you? Head of the shelter! Pretty impressive for someone who was homeless herself a couple years ago. How did you get the job?"

"I got it because no one else wanted it." Abby said with a sigh, "You know Catherine held this place together single-handed. I swear it ran sometimes on the force of her will alone. She was so passionate about the place, she made miracles happen. I'm not that passionate.

"When she died, this place almost died with her. They've tried to shut it down half a dozen times since then. I don't know how we get by. Right now we have an outstanding electric bill. They are talking about cutting off the lights, getting us evicted. We scrape by somehow, but really...I don't know if I can take this much longer.

"I never took accounting in school. I'm not even good at math." She put her hands on her forehead. "I can tell you Maddy, because you know where I'm coming from, but this is too much for me. I fantasize about running away, but I know that if I did, there would be nothing to return to. I can't let Catherine's work be destroyed like that. Even so, I've already cut into the building maintenance funds to keep the kitchen going. I don't know what to do about the lights. Maybe, we can get someone to donate candles, but after the last fire, that's not the top of my list. And we keep getting new people everyday. Girls younger than we were, and young boys.

"I've made arrangements with a local school to take the young ones during the day, but I can't get them all to go. I want to hire a social worker just to work with the kids, but where would the money come from?

"And some of the stories they tell me would break your heart. I can't get them to admit it, but I think that someone has a prostitution ring nearby, and they're abducting children. I have the regulars keeping an eye out for them, but whenever someone goes missing...the police just don't seem to care.

"I miss Catherine so much. She was so... capable, and kind. I wish that she hadn't died."

"I wish that too," Maddy said frowning.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to get you down," Abby said, "it's just, old runaways like us... we have got to watch out for each other."

"Yeah, well if you ever find yourself in Manchester, look me up."

"Sure Maddy," she said, "And if you ever need a job with heaps of responsibility and no pay, just come on by and I'll put you to work."

"I'll consider it," Maddy said smiling as she held out her hand to Abigail.

Abbey took her hand, and then pulled her into a hug. Eliza fussed at being squeezed between them, but they parted after a moment and Maddy and Eliza left with a wave.

Later that night, Maddy sat in the flat airing out her toes. She had stepped in a puddle and her shoes were wet. She wanted to start a fire, but she didn't know where John kept the wood, so she sat on the carpet wiggling her toes while Maddy crawled across her legs.

Maddy heard the door and John came in carrying bags of groceries.

"I'm sorry, I forgot the milk," he said, "I can go back for it later."

"Hello John," she said, "Don't worry about the milk. I told you that I don't take it."

"Anyway, I wasn't really sure what to buy. I'm afraid that I got a lot of useless stuff."

"I'm a chef in training. Converting useless stuff into food is what we're trained to do."

"Good," he said, "Because I don't know what to do with these beans and kippers. Brain short circuited, but I did buy the eggs."

Maddy helped John put the food into the fridge. "Pasta," She said, "I'll make a tomato sauce and we'll eat it with the canned peas."

"So, you don't mind if I leave this is your hands?" John asked.

"I think that I can figure out..." Maddy started before a crash made them rush into the living room. Eliza had overturned the fireplace tools, a spear-like poker stood upright stabbed into the floor.

"Eliza!" Maddy called picking her up off of the floor. She could hear Mrs. Hudson hurrying up the steps.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"Yes, Mrs. Hudson. Eliza just knocked over the fireplace tools. I told you that the place wasn't baby-proofed. Sorry."

"Oh my." Mrs Hudson said looking at the poker. John pulled it out of the carpet. "Do you want me to take the baby for a while?"

"I should have been watching her," Maddy said, "I was in the other room getting ready to cook. I should never have left her."

"You're cooking. I can watch Eliza for you."

"No, I'll watch her. I should have been watching her."

Mrs Hudson laid her hand on Maddy's shoulder. "Calm down girl. Children will always get into things. It's their job to test their limits, and no one can be everywhere at once. Don't try to do everything yourself. Accept help gratefully, otherwise you'll go mad. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

Maddy relaxed and handed Eliza to Mrs Hudson who bounced her in her hands before carrying her down the stairs to her apartment. Maddy frowned and looked down at her feet. John put his hand on her back and smiled at her when she looked up. "Come on," he said, "let's get dinner started."


	4. Chapter 4 - Sustenance

4. Sustenance

That night, Maddy lay awake in bed. Eliza, open-mouthed, was asleep at her side. The light passing through the window was enough to allow her to see a crack in the ceiling in the shape of the letter C. She traced it back and forth with her eyes as she thought.

_"What will I do in the morning? I want to visit Mrs. Jones, Katy, and everyone over at the house, but how can I visit Mycroft's house and avoid seeing Mycroft? And how can I convince them that the baby who has his eyes and his hair is not his baby?"_

She closed her eyes. "_Maybe the answer will come to me in the morning." _

It did.

Before dawn, she made a quick breakfast of toast, bacon, and scrambled eggs for John and herself. Then she and Maddy traveled to a small shop next to a school four blocks from Mycroft's house. This was the school that Mrs. Winslow's son attended.

She ordered a cup of tea and opened her phone to look at the time. She placed it on the table. About ten minutes later. While she sipped her tea, a black car with the dark windows drove by. She finished the cup and left. After a short walk, she was at the back door. She pushed the buzzer and waited. Katy answered.

"Hello," she said, and then " Oh Maddy! Everyone, Maddy's here!"

She pulled her into the kitchen. When Mrs Jones saw her, she dropped her spoon on the counter rushing over to give Maddy a big hug.

"Maddy, oh how I've missed you. Why didn't you call?" She said.

Mrs Winslow, Walter, and Maria came over to smile at her and touch her shoulder, staring in wonder at the child in her arms.

"Her name is Eliza," Maddy said, "I didn't know it, but all of the time that I was here before, I was pregnant."

"I told you!" Maria said to Katy, "Didn't I tell you she had to be pregnant. There were never any pads to clean up."

"Maria!" Mrs Winslow said, "Please, we are in a kitchen, and in mixed company."

Mrs. Winslow walked over and touched both of Eliza's shoulders. "Yes, I see it. The Holmes look. I'd know it anywhere."

"No she's not a Holmes," Maddy demanded, "I was pregnant when I first got here, before Mycroft. Mycroft isn't the father."

Mrs. Winslow narrowed her eyes and stared at Maddy before looking at the child again. She pulled her lips tight together. Then she stepped back, "Whatever you say. It is good to see you again, Maddy, but I must go over the receipts now. Good day."

The others soon made their farewells as well leaving her in the kitchen with Katy and Mrs Jones who demanded that she sit at the table and not lift a finger. "You have enough to take care of," she said. Then Mrs Jones sent Katy downstairs with an urn of coffee for the men in the security room. She left smiling.

"That should keep her for a while," Mrs Jones said, "There's a new man that she has her eye on, Roberto Tomas, tall, dark and handsome. She'll be gone for a while, so there is plenty of time for you to tell me why you are lying about this baby not being Mycroft Holmes' child."

"Mrs Jones."

"I know that you didn't part on the best terms. I don't know the details of your relationship, and I don't want to know, but any fool with eyes can tell that that's his child, yours and his."

"Maybe I don't want her to be his. Maybe I want her to be mine alone."

"No child is ever anyone's alone. It doesn't work that way. You have to have family to help you raise children."

"Well all of my family are dead, so I'm all she has."

"Maddy, don't you know that we are your family too? We care about you, and if you need our help, we'll give it to you."

Maddy started to speak, but her throat clenched up.

Mrs Jones patted her on the shoulder. "No, you don't have to say anything. Except... tell me how you are doing at school. Did you ever learn how to make a proper white sauce?"

Tom, the chauffeur took her home in the car. She was burdened with plastic containers of soup and a bag of fresh baked rolls. She had eaten a wonderful lunch with all of the staff. Even old Mr. Tennison was there, and he usually ate lunch at home with his wife. Roberto Tomas was indeed tall, dark, and handsome, and he liked Katy very much which was good because she was obviously besotted with him. They invited Maddy to come to the staff New Years Eve Bash. At first, she objected, but she finally accepted after they assured her that Mycroft would be nowhere near home on that day.

"Every New Year's Eve, Mycroft goes to the Diogenes club and stays late." Mrs. Jones told her, "He says that he can't stand the noise of the holiday, and since most offices are closed, it gives him a chance for a rest and time to read a good book. I hear that they do serve Champagne though... French of course."

"Of course," Maddy replied.

Eliza had loved the attention everyone had given her, and she fell asleep with her head on Maddy's shoulder on the ride home. Tom helped her out of the car. He carried her things to the door for her.

"Please tell me when you next need a ride," Tom said, "I'll make sure to have a child seat by then."

"Oh you don't have to," Maddy said as Mrs. Hudson opened the door. Tom passed the bags to Mrs Hudson, tipping his hat before leaving.

"What is all this?" Mrs Hudson asked.

"Food," Maddy said, "you are welcome to share some."

"Well, why don't you take the baby up to bed, and I'll make sure to put this in the icebox."

Maddy put the baby to bed and went through her suitcase looking for something to wear to the party. It seemed as if she only owned white shirts and cheap black pants. She hadn't gone out anywhere since Eliza was born. Suzanna had let her borrow clothes if she needed them, but she hadn't thought to bring anything fancy except a sequined shirt that she had thrown into the suitcase by mistake. "_That will have to do_."

She heard the sound of the door opening below. John must be home. She put away her clothes and walked quietly down the stairs to find John sitting in his chair before the empty fireplace.

Maddy took a pillow off of the couch and put it on the floor. Then she sat down near John's feet. He looked at her, "Good evening, Maddy, how was your day?"

"Good and yours?"

"Fine," he said before lapsing again into silence.

They sat in silence for some time before he started to talk, "Have you ever worked with someone who really understood you? Someone who anticipated your needs. Someone who you worked extremely well with. Have you?"

Maddy looked up into his questioning eyes. "No," she said.

"I have," John said, "It was that way for me and Sherlock. We knew each other so well that it was as if I heard his voice in my head. I knew exactly what he would do when we were on a chase. He knew that I would always be right behind him. We didn't have to talk about it, we felt it deep, deep inside. It was magnificent.

"Those kind of relationships are rare, and when it's over there is a sense of loss, because you know that there is almost no chance that you will ever find something like that again.

"We didn't get along all of the time. We fought a lot, but ... when Sherlock was alive, everyday I would wake up looking forward the day ahead. It was exciting, magical. I was happy."

Maddy put her hand on his. She didn't know what else to do. She said, "Let me fix you some dinner."

Maddy made John a meal of the leftover soup from lunch, pork steak, marinaded tomatoes, and pan toasted French bread.

After dinner, while John read in the living room, Maddy baked cupcakes. She had heard of a place in the states where they served Strawberry Lemonade Cupcakes. She had seen the picture and had been dying to make them. She had to borrow the muffin tins from Mrs. Hudson, but she made some. They had a strawberry cake bottom, with lemon cream cheese icing. She cut a straw in half and stuck it into the cupcake to make it look like a drink and served it to John and Mrs Hudson.

Mrs Hudson marveled at how adorable they were. John just ate his. "Good," he said. It was only one word, but it made her glow from the inside.

Mrs Hudson took her aside and whispered, "I'm so glad you came, Maddy. I've seen him eat more since you came, than he has in the last two weeks. How long can you stay?"

"School starts before too long. I was planning on leaving on the second," Maddy said.

"Well, don't feel you have to rush off. We're happy to have you stay as long as you like."

"Thank you," Mrs Hudson she said before a cry sent her rushing upstairs to check on Eliza.


	5. Chapter 5 - Grandmother Holmes

5. Grandmother Holmes

The next morning, John had the day off. Maddy sat on the couch watching Eliza knock down a card tower that John was building. The bell rang, and Mrs. Hudson marched up the stairs with the mail.

Maddy was unconcerned. She went back to flipping through the menu's on her new phone. She had misplaced her old one just before the trip, and so she had replaced it with this cheap pay as you go one. She glanced up when Mrs Hudson passed a letter to her. "Mail, for me?" she asked, "Who even knows that I'm here?"

Maddy examined the envelope. It was relatively large, and addressed to Miss Maddy St. Martin. The return address was strangely familiar, not in London. _"It isn't Mycroft, thank goodness,"_ she thought. The envelope was made of beautiful paper, creamy white, veined with threads of pink. Maddy tore it open to find a card inside.

The white card was embossed with a golden H. The note read:

**_Dear Madeline,_**

**_I would be honored if you and Eliza would come to visit me at the house today and stay for dinner. I will send my car to pick you up at noon. Looking forward to seeing both of you._**

**_A. Holmes_**

"What is it?" John asked.

"It's from Mycroft's mother. She's invited me to dinner at her house in the country," Maddy said, "She's sending a car."

"When?" Mrs Hudson asked?

"At noon," Maddy said, "It's quite a long drive to the house."

"But that's in an hour," Mrs Hudson observed. "A bit cheeky sending a car before you've even said yes. I wonder what she would do if you said no?"

"No one says no to a Holmes," John said.

"I've heard you say NO to Sherlock dozens of times, usually in a very loud voice," Mrs Hudson said with a smile.

John laughed, "I suppose that I am the exception."

The car that Mrs. Holmes sent was white. She had even thought to provide a child seat. Maddy climbed inside burdened with diaper bag, purse, blanket, and baby.

Maddy fell asleep on the ride only waking as they turned from the road onto the rougher drive to the house. The country house was as huge as she remembered. It was surrounded by a green park that reminded her more of a production of _Pride and Prejudic_e she once watched than of a place where people really lived.

Maddy had met Mrs Holmes before, but that was when she was with Mycroft. She had been high on love, and she had hung on his arm never letting him out of her sight. Now that she thought of it, she had never been alone in a room with the woman who had seemed warm, but intimidating.

The car stopped and Maddy unfastened Eliza who was asleep. She laid her over her shoulder, and climbed out of the car. The chauffeur took her bags passing them to a maid who followed behind her. Maddy reached out and took a blanket from the bag placing it on her shoulder before settling the baby against her chest. The hallway was grand. White with columns, just as she remembered it. She was led into the solarium. A small glass-lined room covered with huge green plants,

Agathias Averil Holmes was an impressive woman despite her age. She was tall, but not overly so. She had bright blue eyes and hair that curled around her head like a silver halo. She must be very old, but she wore it well. Her high cheekbones and hooked nose made her look a bit like a marble statue, perhaps one of Minerva, goddess of wisdom.

Sitting on a wicker bench surrounded by banana plants and large ferns, she lifted her hand, and motioned for Maddy to sit beside her. Maddy sat and Mrs. Holmes smiled down at the sleeping baby on her shoulder. "How adorable." She said, "Eliza Mohammed did you say her name was?"

"Yes, after my mother's first name, and her father's last name."

"Yes of course," she said reaching out to touch Eliza on the cheek. Her smile was radiant. "So beautiful. I never had a girl, only boys, but I'm being a poor host, would you like something to eat or drink?"

"No thank you," Maddy said, "As long as she's asleep, I'd like to keep her that way. I wanted to thank you for your gift, and for the kindness that you've always showed me."

"It was no trouble, no bother at all," Mrs Holmes said, "That rattle was only gathering dust. It's good to see it finally being used as it should be."

"It's just that...I really appreciate it that even after Mycroft and I broke up, you still can think of me."

"But Madeline, marriage or no, that's still my granddaughter on your arm."

"But not..." Maddy began, "her father is Abud Mohammed."

"Madeline. I've raised two children and I can recognize a Holmes when I see one. Let's leave the lies aside. I know that you want Mycroft to think that this isn't his daughter, but let us Holmes women have only honesty between us."

"But I'm not a Holmes..."

"Hush Madeline. I've waited a long time to have another woman in this family. The Holmes family is cursed with men. Three generations of only sons. The only women that enter this house other than staff are wives, and I'm the only one left. I raised two sons who grew up too much like their father, always putting their work first. I despaired that either of them would ever marry or find love.

"I can't tell you how overjoyed I was when you walked into that door the first time. I had thought that Mycroft would never marry, and then he brought you home." She grasped Maddy's arm with her hands. "Now, I must ask you, as a mother, do you think that you will ever marry Mycroft?"

Maddy looked up into her hopeful eyes and frowned. "No. I don't know. I don't think so."

Mrs. Holmes looked away her expression unreadable, then she turned back and asked, "And do you love my son?"

Maddy was surprised. She thought about him standing there with his cane, and then she looked into his mother's eyes, blue like his. She said, "yes, I do. That's why I won't marry him."

She nodded, "Good. You are much smarter than I was." she said, "I married his father and he abandoned me to this house. His work was always his first love. But it's my children that I worry about now. I worry about them, constantly. Well...about him." She looked down as darkness shadowed her eyes.

"You see, Mycroft is almost a carbon copy of his father. Working night and day on state business, never taking time for anything or anyone else. His father was in intelligence. A life full of secrets and espionage, and the boys took after him. They loved all things covert, like ciphers and puzzles, but they never learned how to trust people, or make friends, or fall in love.

"How I wished to have a girl who could have crushes and go on dates and fall for the wrong men, but then again, even if I had a girl she'd probably be just like Sherlock, deathly afraid of any kind of intimacy, and now Sherlock is gone. Maybe if I had had more children, I wouldn't feel so worried, but then again, I suppose that's a mother's job to worry.

"Mycroft is my son, and Eliza is my granddaughter and I want what's best for you and her and him. That's why I called you here, because I wanted you to know that no matter what happens between you and Mycroft, I will always want what's best for Eliza, and I will always be here for the two of you. There, that was my speech. Let's go have tea."

Maddy's eyes began to water, "I don't know what to say. My mother is dead, and I don't have any family. Hearing you say that, it means a lot to me. Really it does."

Mrs Holmes smiled, then she reached for her cane, a peach aluminum one decorated with red and yellow roses. She climbed to her feet. "You must be famished." she said, "I've had a buffet prepared, I'd be interested to hear you opinion on my catering now that you are a professional. I am a bit isolated out here in the country. Then again, I suppose that no one is truly isolated when they have an internet connection." She tottered toward the door, and Maddy rose to follow her. The jostling movement finally woke Eliza who cried out. Mrs Holmes turned around to look at her. She hobbled back and stared into Eliza's eyes. "Definitely a Holmes," she said smiling warmly.

They had tea and finger sandwiches. Eliza ate some mashed peaches and pudding. Afterwards, Mrs Holmes showed them her study. She had a PhD in theoretical biochemistry, and the room was filled with chemistry books and molecular models. An elaborately decorated periodic table of the Elements was on one wall.

"Are you a scientist or a professor?" Maddy asked.

"No, I'm just a hobbyist really," she said, "not affiliated with any university, but I do have a few papers that I've published. Sherlock used to love to read my chemistry books, but then he was more of an experimentalist, not a theorist. He loved to get his hands dirty. Do you know that he blew up his tree house when he was eleven?" She laughed, and then she placed her hand over her eyes and began to cry.

Maddy rose to her feet. She put Eliza down and walked over to Mrs Holmes wrapping her arms around her shoulders. "He's not dead," she said, "Sherlock is alive. I saw him just a few days ago. Sherlock spent Christmas with me and Eliza."

Mrs Holmes turned to look at her, disbelieving.

"As you said, there should be only honesty between us Holmes women. He did it to find the people who threatened his friends. He died to the world so that he could hunt them down. And he does understand intimacy and love. He's doing this to protect the people that he cares about. He made me promise not to tell John, but I think that you at least should know. I'm surprised that Mycroft didn't tell you."

Mrs Holmes closed her eyes and smiled, "Oh thank God!" She placed her hands palm to palm and rested them on the edge of her lips, "Sherlock and his stunts. He could break a mother's heart. Thank you for telling me. You see, I've needed this. I've needed you. Now if we can only find a wife for Sherlock, then we'd have another woman to counteract this insanity tied to the Y chromosome."

Maddy grinned, "I don't know about getting Sherlock married. Not to a woman, at least. You'll have to do that on your own."

"I guess, that I'll just have to hope for more granddaughters then." Mrs Holmes said as Maddy stared at her in shock. Then Mrs. Holmes bent down and picked up Eliza. She held her lovingly, "It's a long drive back to London. Would you like to stay over tonight? We have plenty or room, and I'd love to have you."

"No," Maddy said, "I've a party to go to tomorrow, and I'm worried about John. I don't want to leave him alone."

"I see, well then promise that you will come back for dinner some time soon. You can stay over then."

"I think that would be grand!" Maddy said, "Can I bring John?"

"If he will come. Bring whomever you wish. Remember, marriage or no you are a Holmes and this is your home if you wish it."

"But Mycroft..."

"Oh Mycroft has his own place in town. This is MY house. Come by whenever you wish. If you don't want to see Mycroft I'll send him away. I am his mother after all."

"Thank you," Maddy said laughing.

After an afternoon spent looking at old photographs of Sherlock and Mycroft, they had dinner. Mrs Holmes kissed Eliza passing her to Maddy who leaned over and fastened her into her car seat. She turned back and hugged Grandmother Holmes who patted her on her back, causing the aluminum crutch to bounce against her thigh. "Take care of her," Mrs Holmes said, "and take care of you. And whenever you get a chance, remind those wayward boys of mine that a good son visits his mother."

"I will," Maddy said, "next chance I get. I'm so glad I came."

"As am I, my dear, as am I."


	6. Chapter 6 - Arms

6. Arms

They had stayed at the country house till after dark, so it was late when Maddy finally arrived at 221B Baker street. She was deciding whether to ring the bell, when the chauffeur stepped out and unlocked the door for her. Apparently Sherlock had given a key to his mother. _What a good son._

She walked up the stairs as quietly as she could until she got to her room. She placed Eliza down on the bed, removing her shoes, coat, and slippers, then she lay her down in the playpen covering her with a blanket. She placed the silver rattle down beside her and smiled.

Going downstairs to get a drink of water, she noticed that the bedroom door was ajar. A sliver of light spilled out onto the red carpet. Maddy walked toward it, peering inside the room that was John's but used to be Sherlock's.

John was sitting on the edge of the bed facing away from her. He was looking at something. Maddy pushed open the door. "John, "she said.

John turned his shoulders and faced toward her, "Oh you're home Maddy, I supposed that you would stay overnight." Now that he had moved a bit, she could see clothes laid out on the bed, but what scared her into silence was the fact that John held a gun in his right hand.

Maddy walked into the room slowly, stepping around him. He followed her with his eyes as she bent down to sit on the other side of the bed. The gun was clasped gently in his right hand, while his left hand caressed the striped shirt laying on the blanket.

"John," Maddy said softly, "what are you doing?"

"Sherlock gave me this shirt," he said. John's face was...not sad, not happy. It was almost expressionless. He held the gun loosely but firmly in his hand which rested on top of the blanket. His other hand tugged at the collar of the shirt. "He bought it for me, before the reception at the gallery." John sighed and stroked the shirt again as his voice fell into silence.

"Tell me about it," Maddy said bending her head down a bit to be in his line of sight, "what did he say?"

John sat up a bit and stared at Maddy. He licked his lips placing his left hand on his lap. Then he smiled. His right still held the gun ominously, "Lestrade insisted that the two of us be present at the press conference for the return of the Reichenbach painting. I was sitting on the couch, and Sherlock tossed this shirt across to me. It was new in the original packaging, and although there was no price tag, I knew that it must have cost more than two months salary.

_"What is this?" I asked him._

_"It's a shirt, John," Sherlock said._

_"I know it's a shirt, Sherlock, what is it for and don't just say 'to wear' okay?"_

_Sherlock pouted because that was exactly what he was planning to say. Then he said, _

_"If I'm going to be photographed with you, I'd prefer it if you didn't look like a vagrant who just wandered in from off of the street."_

_"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?" I asked._

_Sherlock looked me over head to toe with a sneer and said, "Do you want an itemized list?"_

_"Look Sherlock, I know that looking good is important to you, but I'm not going to let you dress me up like some ... upper-crust ponce."_

_"Like me you mean?"_

_"No, No Sherlock, I didn't mean..."_

_"Nevermind... but John, although I'd hate to upset your fashion sense if you have any, which is unlikely considering your constant habit of wearing jumpers, nothing that you own is likely to be acceptable dress for this kind of event."_

_"Then what do you suggest?" I said._

_"Let me dress you."_

_"Oh..no!"_

_"Then buy the clothes yourself. Go to whatever ghastly store you wish, but let me have some say."_

_"Alright, I'll let you go shopping with me, but I am not buying some designer rubbish that costs more than this flat. It'll have to be something that I can afford."_

_"I suppose that's acceptable," he said glaring at me over those long fingers of his, "when can we leave?"_

I ended up spending much more than I wanted to, but the clothes did look nice, and Sherlock was pleased. When I put them on for the first time, he walked around me brushing lint off of my shoulder and smiling that stupid smile of his while I adjusted my tie. After that, I began to notice a few extra shirts and socks showing up in my drawers that I don't remember buying. It was a slippery slope. Now when I look at this shirt I remember that look on his face. He was happy, and he was trying so hard not to show it. It was worth buying the clothes just to see him look at me like that." John smiled and his left hand stroked down the shirt. Maddy glanced at the gun and remained silent.

"I don't know how I'm going to bear another year without him." John's head fell forward and he clenched the gun tighter with his fingers. "I envy you Maddy. How you were able to go on and make a new life after...Death is not something that I was ever afraid of. I'm not afraid of it now. It's life that scares me. Day after crushing day after crushing day."

Maddy stretched out her hands and touched John's arm. "John," she said, "Don't do this, please. Killing yourself is not the answer."

John's head jerked up, then he glanced down at the gun in his hand and laughed, "Oh Maddy. I'm not planning on killing myself. Is that what you thought?" He lifted the gun and showed her that it was unloaded.

"Then...why the gun?"

John laid the gun down on the bed. "It's just...sometimes when I feel really lost, I hold the gun. It makes me feel steady, more confident, more like myself. I used to carry that gun. I used it to protect people, to protect Sherlock. Now I have no one to protect. Do you understand what it's like? I don't suppose that you do now that you have Eliza. You know that you must survive, you must keep trying because there is someone who needs you, who depends on you, someone to care for. Sherlock was the person I cared for. He needed me, and I don't know what to do with myself now that I'm alone. Now that no one needs me."

"I need you John," Maddy said beginning to cry, "It's terrifying taking care of a child. Knowing that she could die in so many ways, and she has only has me to take care of her. I'm afraid all of the time. That she'll find someway to hurt herself. And then there's Mycroft.

"He lives in a world that I hardly understand. I can't live there, but I won't live on the streets again, and there is no way that I will ever let Eliza live that way. I want to give her a normal life, but I'm not normal. I'm not a good mother. I mess up all of the time, and I can't do this alone."

"I wasn't sure that I should come back to London at all. I was afraid, but a friend told me to go to you. I didn't think that it was such a good idea at first. I was afraid of what you would think of me. Of what everyone would think of me, but everyone has been so nice promising me help. Even so, I don't know if I believe them. People will say anything. You don't know the truth until you are in trouble, and you show up on their doorstep. I showed up on your doorstep, and you let me in. You never objected to me or my baby, you bought us food, and welcomed us.

"I have nightmares. Dreams about people kidnapping Eliza, even killing her. Just having you here. Knowing that you are a friend to me and Eliza. I can't tell you how much it means to me to know that if trouble comes, I'm not alone. My family is dead. Without friends like you, I don't know how we would survive."

John reached out and grabbed Maddy's shoulders pulling her into a hug. She wiped her nose with her sleeve. "I'm sorry," she said, "Do you have any tissues?"

"In the other room."

They rose from the bed, and John put the gun into a drawer in the bedside table. John went over to the desk and pulled out a small pack of tissues that he handed to Maddy who wiped her nose.

"Tea?"

"No thank you," Maddy said, "I had better go to bed. It's been a long day. Tomorrow, do you have plans?"

"I was going to have lunch with Harry, but otherwise no. What do you want?"

"Can you come to a New Years Eve party with me, at Mycroft's house."

John turned on the kettle.

"Are you sure that you want me there? I thought that you'd want to spend time with Mycroft."

"He won't be there, and no matter what you say about your reasons, I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone. Besides, when is the last time that you've been to a party?"

"I think it's been a long, long, time," John said.


	7. Chapter 7 - New Years Eve

8. New Years Eve

Maddy woke to the sound of Eliza crying. She didn't cry that often because Maddy always tried to anticipate her needs, even to the point of letting her sleep in the same bed so that she could feed her in the night even when she was half asleep.

When Eliza was upset, she would usually make short little cries of distress. Occasionally she would babble words that sounded almost like "mama" which pleased Maddy immensely. Now, she was just crying. Maddy sat up lifting Eliza to her lap.

"What's wrong baby?" she asked.

Eliza answered by alternately chewing on her fingers and crying. After a new diaper failed to help, Maddy dug into the disarray of her suitcase and pulled out the book that she had stashed there, Baby's First Few Years.

After searching the problem index, she checked Eliza's mouth and saw a new tooth emerging. Eliza was teething. Maddy needed ice.

"John, do you have any ice?" she asked after puttering down the stairs in her pajamas, Eliza resting on her hip busily chewing her index finger.

John turned away from his laptop. "Ice? No. Do you want me to buy some?"

"Eliza's teething."

"Teething?"

"I'll go check with Mrs. Hudson," she said walking out and down the stairs. After a knock, Mrs Hudson answered.

"Good morning dear, and how is little Eliza, oh what's wrong?" Mrs Hudson said reaching out to touch Eliza's tiny shoulder

Maddy rushed in, "do you have any ice? She's teething."

"Yes, of course, " she said, "sit down. I'll get her some, and make you some tea."

Maddy only then realized that she was in her t-shirt and pajama bottoms. "Oh, I should get dressed!"

"Just sit there dear, there will be time enough for that after Eliza's feeling better,"Mrs Hudson said cracking her ice tray, and putting the ice in a small bowl that she placed on the table. Maddy held one to Eliza's mouth and she quieted down. Then Mrs Hudson brewed the tea. She sat across from Maddy and began to peel an orange. She placed it on a plate and pushed it across to Maddy. "Have some. A mother needs her vitamin C, it keeps you healthy."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hudson," Maddy said hazarding a smile.

"What you really need is one of those teething rings. They have liquid in them, and you freeze them."

"I think that I've seen them," Maddy said, "I'll walk to the store this morning and buy one." The door bell rang startling them, and Mrs. Hudson rose to get it. She returned with a large box.

"Maddy," she said, "a package for you."

Maddy stared at the brown box. She passed Eliza to Mrs. Hudson, and examined it recognizing the address. "It's from Mrs. Holmes," she said as she tore the box open.

The box held two other boxes. One was obviously a shoe box. She opened the other parting the tissue paper to reveal a gorgeous white shift dress. She held it up to her front admiring the stylish cut. It was bright white with a black belt attached.

"Oh, what a beautiful frock," Mrs Hudson said.

"It must be for the party,"Maddy said, "I told her that I was going to one tonight."

"What a thoughtful gift, and are those shoes?" Mrs. Hudson asked reaching out the hand that was not holding ice to Eliza's mouth for the box. Maddy brought the box to the table opening it to reveal black high-heeled pumps. She slipped her foot in, and it fit perfectly. "How did she know my size?"

"Well, she is a Holmes, dear," Mrs Hudson said reaching down to feed another ice cube to Eliza. In the box, Maddy found a note.

**Maddy,**

**I thought that you might need something for the party.**

**I rather enjoyed the thought of playing your fairy godmother.**

**Give Eliza my love.**

**Mummy Holmes**

There was a phone number on the back of the card. Maddy smiled. "Can I use your phone?" she asked, "I'd like to thank her."

"Of course, It's right there near the wall." Mrs Hudson said, and Maddy walked over and dialed Mrs Holmes who answered immediately.

"Good Morning Maddy," she said, "So the dress arrived. Did it fit?"

"I haven't had a chance to put it on, but I'm sure it will, and the shoes fit perfectly."

"Good. Good," she said, "If it doesn't fit just call and I'll get it tailored. What is that noise, is Eliza alright?"

"She's teething. "

"Oh my. You're in for it now. Mycroft cried all night when he was teething. Then again, he didn't sleep through the night until he was two. Does Eliza have trouble sleeping?"

"No, Eliza has slept through the night for months now."

"Wonderful. Maybe you'll be luckier with her than I was with mine. They were awfully fussy, and Sherlock didn't potty train fully until he was four and a half. But I hear that girls are easier. Even so, I don't suppose that the Holmes stubborn streak will skip a generation. I am pretty certain that it is a dominant trait."

Maddy laughed, "Thanks for the advice, Mrs Holmes, and the dress."

"You are very welcome. Enjoy yourself, and be sure to tell me all about the party afterward."

"Yes, I will," Maddy said gleefully, "Goodbye Mrs. Holmes."

"Please, call me Mummy."

"Goodbye...Mummy," she said and then hung up.

"Well aren't you and Mrs. Holmes getting along well?" Mrs Hudson said.

Maddy picked up the dress again. "I love the dress, but white? I wonder what it looks like covered with drool."

"Oh you don't plan to take Eliza to the party do you?" Mrs Hudson asked.

"What else would I do with her?"

"I'll be happy to watch her for you," Mrs Hudson said, "Stay as long as you like. I'll keep her til morning, that way, if anything unexpected should happen, you won't have to worry about being back at a reasonable hour."

"Unexpected? What do you mean?"

"I can't say dear, but you're only young once," Mrs Hudson said offering Eliza an orange slice to suck. "Why don't you go get dressed now. I'll keep the baby."

Maddy rushed upstairs and dressed, then she stuck her head in to say that she'd be back soon before rushing out of the flat to walk to the Tesco in search of teething rings. She walked quickly as the morning was chill. She could see a homeless girl in a thin jacket across the street begging for loose change.

_"That could have been me"_, she thought sadly before quickly turning the corner to escape the harsh wind. She bought two of the rings, some stockings, and some milk for John, before heading back. As she walked down the sidewalk, a black car pulled up beside her, the front window rolled down.

"Hello Maddy," the driver said.

"Tom! Hello, how are you?" Maddy said rushing over to the car.

"I'm well," he said, "Mr Holmes sent me to pick you up. He'd like to talk to you if you have the time."

Maddy leaned against the car turning her face away from the wind as she spoke to him, "Sorry Tom, I can't come now. The baby is teething and the milk will go bad."

"He was rather insistent."

"No. I am glad that you came by though, Tom. Do you think that you can take me to the party tonight? That is after you drop Mycroft off at the club? Don't tell Mycroft though."

"You want me to go back to Mr Holmes without you, and then secretly take you to the party tonight, without telling the man who pays my salary? You certainly know how to strain a man's ethics. What am I going to tell him now?"

"I'll write you a note. Do you have a pen and paper?"

Maddy put the groceries down, and wrote to Mycroft. She folded the note over twice, and then she sealed it with a Hello Kitty sticker that she found in her purse. "Pick me up at nine if you can. Then again, give me your number and I'll call you. Oh, and I won't be needing the car seat. I have a babysitter."

Tom wrote down his number shaking his head the entire time, "Maddy," he said, "you are becoming more like a Holmes every day."

"Am I?" she asked. "That's not a compliment is it? You don't really mind do you?"

Tom laughed. "No, of course not. I'll give him the note, and arrive at nine if possible."

"Thank you," Maddy said picking up her groceries. She waved and then headed back to the flat.

Looking in John's mirror that evening, her hair freshly brushed, standing in new shoes and a new white dress, she felt like a princess. The dress was amazing. White. She never wore the color for fear of ruining it by getting mashed peas or something equally hard to clean on it. Even now she was afraid that she would fall off of her new shoes and land in the mud. Karmic revenge for trying to wear something so pretty.

She walked carefully down the stairs to the living room. Mrs. Hudson exclaimed when she saw her. "Oh you look so elegant Maddy," she said, "you two make quite the couple. I'm amazed that you were able to get this recluse out of the house."

Maddy turned to see that John was dressed very smartly in dress trousers and a black blazer which matched her belt. He was wearing the shirt with the blue stripes that he had been looking at the other night. The bell rang and Maddy put on her coat, hugging Eliza goodnight before leaving.

"I'll try to be back by one. I wouldn't want my carriage to turn into a pumpkin, would I?"

"I told you," Mrs. Hudson said, "don't bother coming back early. It's New Years Eve." Maddy waved and left. John closed the door behind them, rushing ahead to open the car door for Maddy.

Tom drove them up the main drive. "Are we supposed to enter through the front door?" Maddy asked?

"Most definitely," Tom said before stepping out of the car to open the door for her. She rang the bell and Old Tennison himself answered, welcoming her in and taking their coats before directing them down the hallway to the stairs.

The hall was lined with fairy lights and silver tinsel snowflakes. They glittered in the corridor reminding her of the story of the twelve dancing princesses that had been her favorite as a child.

She wondered as she and John walked down the stairs whether the party would be in Sherlock's lab, but the lights led them the other way. There was a storage room across from security. The guards used it as an exercise room, and she had occasionally peeked in at them practicing martial arts on mats thrown onto the hard concrete floor.

Now the room had been transformed. The columns were covered in white satin, as had the chairs, and the tables had clean white tablecloths. There were mirrors lining one of the walls and the other was filled with lights in the shape of the Paris skyline. A replica of the Eiffel tower wreathed in lights stood against the wall, and beside it sat a fountain filled with champagne.

Mrs Winslow rushed over and gave Maddy a hug. "I'm so glad you made it to our staff party," she said.

"Thank you for inviting me. It's all so beautiful. This is Dr. John Watson."

"I remember," she said, "You came to Maddy's birthday party."

"Indeed I did," he replied nodding.

"Where is Mrs Jones?" Maddy asked.

"In the kitchen, where else?" Mrs Winslow said winking, "They guarantee that the refreshments will be truly memorable. Oh, here are some other guests. Excuse me," she said touching Maddy's elbow briefly before going to the door.

Maddy looked around to see a mixture of familiar and unfamiliar faces. She waved as Kate walked in carrying a mirror covered with chocolate covered strawberries. Roberto walked over to the table where she was arranging the food, and she placed a strawberry into his mouth. She walked back toward the hall and he followed her. That relationship seemed to be progressing nicely.

John recognized one of the security guards and excused himself to talk to him. Maddy wandered over to the table and picked up a strawberry covered in a mixture of dark and white chocolate. She missed Eliza. Eliza loved strawberries, although she didn't think that she should give her chocolate covered ones.

She placed the strawberry in her mouth and wandered around the room. There was some nice music playing and a few people were loitering around the walls. The chairs suggested that less than half of the guests had arrived. Maddy already felt crowded. She walked out and down the hall to see if Sherlock's lab was unlocked. It was.

Maddy walked around the darkened room and sat on the little cot. She could hear the sound of people talking and laughing. She thought of laying back against the wall, but fear for her white dress made her rise to her feet. She was suddenly overcome with nostalgia. She wanted to see her old room.

She knew that it had been over a year. Mycroft had probably converted it into an extra study by now. She had no right to think that anything would seem familiar after all of that time, but she found her feet carrying her up the stairs and down to hall, past the door to the children's room and into her old room. She opened the door and turned on the light to find it largely unchanged. Her brush and jewelry box were sitting before the mirror. She sat in her old chair and looked at herself.

Why had she left this beautiful house? How much easier it would have been to get ready here. This white dress was perfectly appropriate for the woman who slept in this room. She wonder who slept here now. It would be naive of her to think that Mycroft could not have found someone else.

Maddy rose to her feet and walked to her closet to see what clothes the new woman, if any, might wear. The closet smelled of mothballs. All of the clothes were wrapped in heavy plastic. She turned on the light and looked at them. All of the clothes had been hers.

She looked at the suits and dresses that she used to wear. It hadn't seemed right to take them. They were Mycroft's after all. Even so, she could almost hear his voice in her head asking her what she thought he could do with them. "They aren't my size," he would say in that humorous tone that he reserved exclusively for her. She smiled, then she frowned.

A desire to see Mycroft overtook her and she rushed out into the hall, but she remembered what Mrs. Jones had said. Today he would be at his club. She walked to his door and entered his room.

Mycroft's room was as it ever was. He was a man of fierce habits after all. She walked around the suite touching the tables and the chairs. Lifting his brush which he had already cleaned of his hairs. _"Neatnik!" _

She looked into his closet, seeing the rows of neatly tailored suits and polished shoes. Then she pulled out his tie drawer and looked for a gap, trying to deduce which color tie he was wearing. It appeared to be either blue or gold. She'd bet on gold today. New years was a time for traditional values.

She peeked into the bathroom before realizing that she was intruding into his life. She had left him. She had no right to be here. Not anymore.

She glanced at the bed. Her life had been transformed that first day when he had invited her into his bed. She would never have expected it. No one could. Now she had her own life and her own child.

She left the room, carefully closing the door never noticing the figure standing in the shadows. His blue eyes silently following her as she retreated down the hall to go back to the party.


	8. Chapter 8 - Assistance

8. Assistance

Maddy returned to the party arriving just before midnight. John came over.

"Where have you been Maddy?" he asked, "I was about to call for a search."

"I was just..." she began but her voice trailed off.

"It's almost time!" Someone yelled and everyone gathered closer together glancing at the model of the Eiffel tower. They yelled out.

10. 9. 8. 7. 6...

Maddy looked around the room at the sea of smiling faces. For some reason, she didn't feel so happy.

5. 4. 3. 2! 1! **HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

Everyone yelled and screamed as sparks emerged from the tower which was now wreathed in even more lights than before. John jumped at the sound of the the explosion, and she tuned to face him. He wasn't smiling either. What a grim pair they made in among the crowd of swaying people who had just begun singing _Auld Lang Syne_.

Across the room she saw Katy, her arms wrapped around Roberto's neck kissing him deeply._ "At least someone is happy,"_ She thought. Maria patted Maddy on the shoulder. She was wearing a dress of blue and silver, one arm tucked around a short blond woman that Maddy had never seen before. She smiled. Maddy smiled back turning to look wistfully toward the door and escape. Among the swaying singing heads, Maddy thought that she spied the sight of a familiar receding hairline.

"Mycroft?" She said. Her voice hardly traveling in the noise of the room. She pushed through the crowd of drunken revelers trying to reach the hallway, but by the time that she got there, he was gone. The song ended and everyone screamed and blew party horns again. Then music was turned up and people rushed for their seats as the more energetic or drunk ones stayed in the center and danced.

John came beside Maddy. "Are you alright?" he asked.

Maddy looked around again. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said "My eyes are probably playing tricks on me."

"Would you like to go home now?"

Maddy sighed."Yes, I think so," she said. "I'll go look for Tom."

"Leave him," John said, "Let him enjoy the New Year. I'll call a cab."

John trudged up the stairs slowly when they got home. Maddy knocked lightly on Mrs Hudson's door. She opened it. "Back so soon? I thought that you'd be out much later."

"How's Eliza?" she asked walking over to the play pen where she was lying.

"She's sleeping peacefully. It'd be a shame to wake her. You look like you've had a long night, why don't you go up to bed."

Maddy wanted to argue with her, but at that moment she felt incredibly weary. "If you don't mind," she said.

"No problem dear, you get some rest."

Maddy nodded her head and walked up the stairs. John was in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil. "A little chamomile?" he asked.

"Please." she said kicking off the pumps. She wanted to go to bed, but she wanted company more. "Would it be too much trouble to start a fire again?" She asked and john chuckled.

"No problem at all," he said as he poured them both a cup of tea. Maddy put the mug to her lips shuddering at the heat as she sipped it anyway. She added more sugar."

"You certainly have a sweet tooth," John said.

"I'm American," Maddy said, "All American's have a sweet tooth."

John laughed, "How does that explain Sherlock? He's certainly not American and he...I mean...he _was_ not..." John's gaze dropped to the floor.

Maddy looked up and guffawed manically. "What?" John asked.

"I was just wondering how we can end up being so miserable on such a glorious night. You know, I used to read about how the holidays were a hard time for people and how the suicide rate rose and such, but I never understood it. Now it's a brand new year. Hope and opportunity are everywhere, and I just feel like crying. I'll try not to use up all the tissues because I know you'll be needing some as well."

A chuckle escaped from John's lips and he put down the tea. "Let me start that fire."

Before long, they sat before the fire, Maddy in John's chair, and John in Sherlock's. The crackle of sparks was the only sound other than the sipping of tea as they began their new year in peace. Maddy fell asleep waking while it was still dark with a pain in her breasts. She moved the coverlet that John must have laid over her placing it on the back of the seat before going to the bathroom. Then shuffled downstairs to knock lightly on Mrs Hudson's door.

Mrs Hudson opened the door too quickly. She must have been up already. She held Eliza who was chewing on her thumb. "I'll take her now," Maddy said, "It's her feeding time."

Mrs Hudson handed Eliza over, and Maddy placed her head on her shoulder as she walked slowly upstairs, one hand on the railing. Eliza chewed on the strap of the dress, and Maddy regretted not having the sense to bring a blanket. She lay the baby on the bed and unzipped the dress, slipping out of it and tossing it on the counter before snuggling in the bed to feed and cuddle Eliza. She was asleep instantly.

%* %*%

New Years Day dawned bright and white. The window was rimmed with a circle of glittering frost. Maddy felt good. She wanted some water and a bit of that leftover soup that she had stashed in the fridge. She trudged downstairs and pulled the soup out to heat it, carefully cleaning the microwave first because, well, she had read John's blog before.

John wasn't up yet. She felt an overwhelming need to check on him after the other night's stunt with the gun, so she walked over and knocked twice before opening the door and taking a peek at his sleeping form. He was sprawled over his bed. He had removed his shoes, but not his trousers. He seemed dead to the world.

After a hearty breakfast of soup and toast, Maddy went back upstairs. She wanted to make something for breakfast. She thought of waffles, but she didn't have a waffle iron. Maybe pancakes or scones? She'd go see what was available at the Tesco. She put on warm clothes, then she changed and dressed Eliza. This time she remembered that she needed a knit cap. She dug in the suitcase pushing aside her mound of identical black pants and white shirts in search of a cap and found instead her lost phone.

She picked it up and tried to turn it on, but it was out of power, so she plugged it in and lay it down on the counter, after lifting the dress and hanging it up in the closet. She grabbed her baby carrier placing Eliza inside so that she was carefully balanced on her hip. Then she walked down the stairs and out into the cold morning.

The white frost made the metal railings shine brighter than the decorations at last night's party. Maddy walked along mostly deserted streets. She saw the homeless girl that she had noticed before across the street stamping her feet and rubbing her hands against the cold. _"I should tell her about the shelter."_ she thought, and then an idea came to her and she pulled a card out of her purse before dialing a number.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Maddy asked as she talked to Grandmother Holmes.

"No," Mrs Holmes said, "I'm a bit of an early riser. Happy New Year by the way."

"Happy New Year," Maddy said, "I was calling to talk to you about a friend of mine. You mentioned once how you felt out of touch, and I thought that if you needed something to do...well... I was wondering if you'd be willing to help my friend with some fund-raising. You see she runs a homeless shelter, and they are constantly in danger of being shut down. She wants to hire counselors, but she can't even afford the electricity."

"That sounds interesting."

"Really? Because if you could help her it would take a big burden off of my mind."

"Of course, Maddy. Just give me her number and I'll see what I can do."

Maddy talked a bit more as she walked. "Mummy" assured her that everything would be taken care of, so she was smiling when she arrived at the Tesco, only to find that it was closed on New Years Day.

The streets around her were unusually quiet. Any sensible person was huddled in bed. Then Maddy remembered a small store that sold cigarettes a few blocks from Baker street. She had seen a sign in the window that said open New Years Day, but it was on the opposite direction. She turned back toward Baker street.

The walk wasn't so bad. Despite the cold, the wind had died away and the sun was starting to feel warm against her skin. She turned back bouncing Eliza and singing to her as they went down the street. As she passed across from the homeless girl, a thought came to her. She pulled out her phone and looked at it before erasing her messages and most of her contact numbers. She looked both ways and crossed the street.

"Happy New Year," the girl said, "spare some change for a cup of coffee?"

Maddy eyed the girl up and down. Her trainers had a hole in the toe. She had compensated by wearing several pairs of socks. She had found a scarf somewhere and a big hat with ear flaps, but her coat was still woefully too thin for the weather.

"Hello," Maddy said, "My name is Maddy, what's your name?"

The girl looked into Maddy's eyes. Obviously it had been a while since anyone had bothered to ask." Shawna, my name's Shawna."

"Shawna, how would you like to make some regular money? Not a lot mind you, but something every week?"

The girl perked up. "Well, sure!" she said, "What do I have to do? Is it illegal?"

"No, no," Maddy said, "I have to leave town tomorrow, but I have a friend who...well frankly, I'm concerned about him. I'd like you to watch him, watch out for him. Tell me how he is doing."

Shawna's brow furrowed. "I don't know. How can I do that? Won't he be inside most of the time?"

Maddy pointed. "He lives just over there at 221B Baker street. His name is Dr. John Watson. I've got his picture on my phone." Maddy pulled out the phone and showed it to Shawna. She had snapped it last night as they got ready for the party.

"He looks pretty fit for an old guy," the girl said. Maddy smiled. "Why does he need my help?" Shawna asked.

"He doesn't need your help," Maddy said, "I do. Just keep and eye out for him. Tell me how he's doing, whether he's at home, or away. If he's going out to get food."

"So you're stalking this bloke?"

"Two nights ago, I saw him casually playing with a gun, so yes I am stalking this bloke until I am sure that he's not going to shoot himself or throw himself into a river."

"Is he dangerous?"

"No," Maddy said, "Actually, he's very nice. I don't expect that he'll do anything unusual or out of the ordinary, but I worry about him. So Shawna, will you help me?"

"How much?"

Maddy smiled, "We'll work that out. Take this phone. That's my number. Text me daily with his status and I'll see that you get your money. Here's twenty pounds to start. If you see that he's acting stupid, this is his number. Don't use it unless it's an emergency. Try not to be too obvious about it if you can. He's not as unobservant as he looks. Do you have any questions?"

"Yeah," Shawna said, "Why me? I'm nobody."

Maddy smiled. "I used to be you," Maddy said, "and you are definitely not 'nobody', Shawna." Maddy turned then and continued down the street. Shawna stared after her. She had the phone cupped in her hands as though it was alive.

Maddy felt good. She was not being passive and taking what the world threw at her anymore. This year, she would act. She would make the world better. She lifted Eliza into her arms swinging her a bit as they walked.

- : - : -

The shop was open. Despite the relative emptiness of the street, this place was packed. She supposed that lots of people had the same idea as she did. She put Eliza down on the floor as she looked for tampons. Her period had started this morning. _Thank God it wasn't yesterday when she was wearing that white dress!_

The bell rang as someone left. Maddy had forgotten why she had come. _Oh yes, Breakfast._ She didn't expect that she would find much of that here, even so she walked around the corner and noticed a section of extremely overpriced sugar and flour. She was just deciding what she should bake when she turned and noticed that Eliza was gone.

"Eliza," she called looking down the aisle. She rushed to the end of the row and looked both ways but she could not see her, "Eliza!" she called again, "does anyone see a baby?"

Then she turned to the door. Someone had just left. Did they take her? Fear seized Maddy and she pulled open the door watching for a sign that someone had fled with her.

A voice called out, "she's here!" and Maddy turned back feeling relief. A relief that was short-lived. Maddy was in the furthest aisle holding a small box in her mouth. The shelves in the store were raised about an inch or two off of the ground. Eliza had reached under one and found a box which she was in the act of chewing. Maddy bent down picked Eliza up pulling it out of her mouth to examine it. It read _Warfarin - effective control for rats and mice._ It was rat poison!

Maddy reached into her purse for her phone before she realized that it wasn't there. "Call 999! Someone please Call 999!" she cried.


	9. Chapter 9 - Recovery

9. Recovery

The hospital was the last place that Maddy expected to spend New Years Day. The frantic call on the store's phone. The ambulance tearing down Baker street. The doctors asking over and over, "how much of it did she take?"

"I don't know, I just saw the box in her mouth."

The owner had a problem with mice, and had put the poison out where no one could reach it. No one but an unattended child. Maddy knew that it was her fault if Eliza died. John and Mrs Hudson had both come to the hospital as soon as she had called, and Mrs Hudson was here now filling out the forms that they had kept thrusting into her hands, insisting that she fill them out while her child might be dying.

John had stood at her side and talked to the doctors for her. Converting their speech into something that could get through the panic in her brain which kept repeating over and over two words,_ "don't die, don't die, don't die."_

The consensus was that Eliza would be fine. They had emptied her stomach, but they hadn't found anything but milk there. There were traces of poison on the cardboard, but probably not enough to harm her, and the fact that she had shown none of the symptoms led them to believe that the box was mostly empty when she placed it in her mouth. Even so, they had given her a preventative dose of vitamin K, and she would have to remain for observation. She was now in the critical care infant ward.

To say that Maddy was relieved by the prognosis would be to underestimate the overwhelming desperation that she had felt at the possibility of losing her daughter. Her relief was physical, as if she were a puppet whose strings were cut. She would have fallen to the ground if John had not been there to catch her. She looked over at Maddy who was sleeping now, a plastic hose in her nose, and a drip in her wrist and she knew that she was going to fall apart.

"John," she said, "I need someplace to be alone."

He took her to a small windowless waiting room. She had closed the door when they had entered so that no one would see her horrible crying fit which ended with her throwing herself on the floor and curling into a ball. John had knocked politely on the door to ask if she wanted him to fetch her some water. She did.

She dried her eyes with the heel of her hand and turned away from the door so that he wouldn't see how red her eyes, nose, and frankly every part of her face was. She grabbed up several tissues from the box on the table, and wiped the salt and sweat from her face, trying her best to look composed when she heard the door open and shut as someone came in.

"Thank you, John," Maddy said wiping her eyes and looking away as she reached out to take the cup that he placed in her hand. She drank down all of the water in one gulp only then noticing what she had seen. The hand that passed the cup. The hand with the gold ring on it. With the grey suit sleeves and the silver cufflinks. She looked up into Mycroft Holmes' concerned face.

"Hello Madeline," he said, "It's been a long time."

Mycroft sat in the chair beside Maddy. His arm on the wooden armrest. His fingers stretched out to touch hers, but pulled back at the last instant falling impotently onto his own lap. "They say that Eliza Mohammed will be perfectly fine by morning. I've had my own physician look over their findings and he concurs that the amount of poison that she ingested was minimal. You don't need to worry about our daughter."

Did she imagine it, or did he say the word _our_.

"I ..." he began pausing, "You came to visit your friends, I only assumed that you would come to visit me as well.

"I received your note. '**Not Yet**'. Although is my job to understand messages even when given the smallest amounts of information, I must say that I found your message a bit obscure. Did you ever plan to tell me that Eliza was my daughter?"

Maddy turned toward him looking into his eyes. It had been so long since she had been around him. She had forgotten how imposing he was. How sharp and bright his eyes were. "How long have you known?" she asked him.

"Since the day that she was born," he said.

Maddy leaned back in her chair pulling her hands up to her hips. "Mycroft Holmes. You lying cheat! You promised me that you wouldn't spy on me in Manchester!"

The edge of his mouth quirked up. "If you remember, dearest, you asked me not to watch you, but I did not reply. Therefore no promise was made."

Maddy blew out a breath crossing her arms as she looked away. Mycroft crossed his legs toward her. "In fact," he said as he absentmindedly examined his fingernails, "I would have known sooner if you had taken your doctors advice and agreed to the amniocentesis."

"I didn't need the procedure, I was nineteen! it's recommended for people over thirty. So you were responsible for that? How often have you been interfering with my life?"

"Actually, very little," he said, "You made it quite clear at our last meeting that you wished to cut all ties with me. You made no such conditions, however, for my daughter."

Maddy's face fell. She looked at him with apprehension. "Mycroft, are you going to take Eliza from me? Are you going to call me an unfit mother and have her taken away?"

Mycroft's looked into her eyes with real compassion. He laid his hand on top of hers. "No, of course not. You are not unfit. Madeline, you are the best mother that I could have hoped for my child. You are always caring for her, thinking about her, doing everything that you can for her. You are the very model of motherhood. I would never take Eliza from you. Never."

Maddy grasped his hands examining his face to find the lie that wasn't there. She sighed in relief and leaned across the armrest to rest her head on Mycroft's shoulder. He hesitatingly reached his arm across her shoulders and pulled her close.

"I did not think that I would ever have a child," he said, "but when I found out that you were pregnant, I wished. I wanted more than anything for her to be our child, yours and mine. When I heard the name you had given her, I feared that she might not be mine. I am embarrassed to say that I sent someone down to steal a sample of her blood.

"Thank you Madeline for having her. I know that in this day and age, a single woman does not have to have a child if she does not wish to. I am grateful, happy for the gift that you have given me. It's more than I could ever have wished for. More than I deserve."

They sat in silence for a while, the sound of their breathing the only sound in the room. Then Maddy snuffled loudly and had to lean over to get another tissue out of the box.

Mycroft turned toward her and put a hand on Maddy's knee. "And so I'm here because I need to ask you, what do you want to do? because I would like to be a part of my daughter's life. I need to be a part of it, if only to pay for schooling. No matter what exists or has existed between the two of us. I am her father.

"Sherlock used to tell me that I would make a horrible parent, so I don't trust my own judgment on this. I know that you are a wonderful mother, so I defer to you. Please, tell me Madeline what future do you want for us, for her?"

Mycroft's look was earnest. He had obviously given this much thought. She wondered how many hours had he sat, fingers steepled in that way of his practicing this speech while everyone thought him concerned with great matters of state? In truth, this was a great matter although it concerned only three lives: hers, his, and Eliza's.

Eliza deserved a father. A dead father was fine, when you were a baby, but some day, sooner than she would expect, Eliza would be old enough to ask. Would she lie to her all of her life while her father pined away sending spies to snap photos of her as she left school?

Then again, she couldn't imagine Mycroft playing ball, or picking Eliza up and running around his office with her on his back playing horsey. The image was ludicrous.

Even so, he was right. They needed to make a decision, and the only thing that she knew for sure is that it was too big and too important to be made in this small, stuffy waiting room while Eliza lay hooked up to machines in the ICU.

"I have to think about it." Maddy said, "We will talk, after this is over. And when Eliza wakes up, you can meet her then."

Mycroft's eyes brightened, but he did not remove his hand from her knee. "I would also be interested," he said, "in reopening negotiations on another matter."

Maddy sat back in her chair staring up at the expression that she recognized as the one he wore that night that they had played _Monopoly_ right before he made the deal that won him all of the railroads, utilities, and Boardwalk. "What matter?" she asked warily.

"You and I," he said, "You made certain...allegations about how our future would be which I believe were based on false assumptions."

"False assumptions?" Maddy said, "Do you mean the _fact_ that you are the center of the British government and every enemy of the state is going to be gunning for you and anyone associated with you, especially your infant daughter? You think that you can get around that?"

"Getting past difficult situations is what I am paid to do, my love," Mycroft said smirking."

"So is this an elaborately wordy way of asking me out on a date?" Maddy asked smirking back at him.

Mycroft turned his head aside carefully considering his words. "Yes." he said succinctly.

"Then I will respond with a 'yes', but only if the said date is conducted entirely on my terms. I set the time, the date, and the conditions, yes _there will be_ conditions. I am a mother, and I won't be messed with."

"I reserve the right to set the date."

"No. My terms, take it or leave it."

Mycroft sat back, a real smile on his face now, "Then I shall take it. Might I suggest later this week?"

"No, I still have school. God! I'll have to cancel my bus ticket. There is no way that I can leave tomorrow morning. And I need to call Suzanna."

"Do not worry yourself about such details. They can be fixed with a word."

"Mycroft, I said 'yes' to the date, not to you running my life. Back off!"

"Of course," he said rising to his feet. He reached down and took her hand kissing it. "I left a national security situation to come here, I should return to it. I will be here when Eliza wakes. See you very soon."

Mycroft started to pull away, but Maddy held onto his fingers. He turned back to face her as she climbed to her feet. She put her arms around his neck and rose on her toes to kiss him firmly on the lips.

It had been a long time, a very long time indeed since she had kissed a man. She had forgotten the smell of his cologne, the feel of his hair, and his lips, they had always surprised her with their softness. Soft like his manicured hands which moved slowly down her back as she leaned into him sighing into his mouth before pulling away. She bent down and picked up her bag. Squeezing his hand one last time as she walked around his stunned body and left the room smiling.

She closed the door between herself and Mycroft falling against it for a moment as she lifted her hand to touch her face. She was crying, again.

Eliza was transfered to a normal hospital room and Maddy spent the time making phone calls. Most were long distance. First she called Suzanna and told her that they would be late and why. That conversation had lasted much longer than she expected because she had mentioned Mycroft, and that had spurred a long discussion that was punctuated with many "Oh my God!'s and "What are you going to do now!'"

The next call was to Mrs Holmes. She wanted to inform her about Eliza, but uncharacteristically Mycroft had called her first. She was pleased to hear that Eliza was doing well and reminded her of her promise to visit again 'sometime soon'.

Mrs Hudson dropped by with some flowers. Maddy told her that she shouldn't have bothered because Eliza would be discharged in the morning, but she had already done it, and they did smell good.

John came later, and checked Eliza's breathing before sitting down in one of the chairs. He waited with her. He didn't try to talk. He demanded nothing of her, he simply gave her his company in her time of need. Maddy suddenly understood why Sherlock Holmes was so attached to this compassionate man who offered his companionship so freely and demanded nothing in return.

He left before morning, apologizing for having to go home to change. He had met a friend who had begged him to do locum work here at the hospital as so many of the staff were on holiday. He had been unable to refuse the request. That, and he could use the money.

Eliza rose with the sun. She called out and Maddy was sure that this time she recognized the word "Mama." She sat up in the chair and put Eliza to her breast feeding her and talking to her. Telling her that mama was here, and that she loved her. Then the door opened and Mycroft came in. He sat on the edge of the bed, and when she was done, he held his daughter for the first time.

The three of them rode to Baker street in the black car. Their hands clasped over the carseat. Eliza's tiny hands reaching out to play with Mycroft's ring. Maddy said goodbye to Mycroft at the door. He suggested that they go inside until Tom called out to remind him that he was expected by the prime minister.

When she came inside, Mrs Hudson insisted on taking Eliza. She would take no argument. "You'll be leaving us soon," she said, "Eliza and I need our time together. Besides, you need to pack."

Maddy could see no flaw in her logic, so she walked slowly back up the stairs and into her room. She threw her coat and hat on the bed, walking over to pick up her phone which was now charged.

She found that she had eight new messages. She read the first one and her voice caught in surprise. It read:

**[Yellowsubmarine. Network reactivation. Contact me at once.]**

"Oh my!" Maddy said, "Sherlock is back!"


End file.
